um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
