i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
