he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
