Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
