Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
