i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
