i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
