he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
