I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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