i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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