she told me i tasted like america
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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