i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
