and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
