I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
