I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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