I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
