1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
