So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
