i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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