just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
