i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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