Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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