Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
