I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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