Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
