Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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