I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
