..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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