Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
