Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
