can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
