How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
