I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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