Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
