ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
