I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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