Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
