i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
