Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
