if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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