so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
