Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I stole a fireplace last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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