just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I touched a dick in church today
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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