I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
