doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
