i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
