You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
