it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The best revenge is premature balding
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
