Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
