I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
