dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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