So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
