i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
