If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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